I saw the following situation unfold through the window:

• Car A finds the only empty parking spot on the street. It puts the hazards in, switches into reverse.
• Car B is right behind. It tailgates the other car, stops 20 cm away, and refuses to let car A park. The driver of B honks angrily because he doesn’t want to wait.
• Car A’s driver gets out. He shrugs and rises his arms to his hips, expressing a “What the fuck, man?!”
• Car B’s driver won’t budge. He keeps honking. He’s busy. Unarguably, he is a massive asshole (waiting for car A to park would have taken less time than this standoff).
• Car A’s driver gets inside his car and drives away. Car B follows.
• Car A does a circle around the block, returns, and parks.

Did the driver of Car A react properly? Mostly, he did.

• He couldn’t have changed the other driver. The other driver wouldn’t have realised he were the asshole no matter what car A’s driver did. Besides, it’s not his duty to change anyone.
• The part where he got out to reason with car B’s driver could have been better. The “WTF, man” stance isn’t cooperative and will get the other driver to be defensive. However, seeing the other driver was blocking him on purpose, reasoning wasn’t likely to work at all, so the risk of confronting him wasn’t worth it in the first place.
• Letting the “asshole” “win” isn’t a huge loss. It’s just taking an ego hit in this case (plus some extra time to circle around the block). Both parties win: the driver of car A gets to park in the street (there was a risk the spot would be taken before he circled, but the risk of the confrontation not ending well was higher). The driver of car B didn’t have to wait for someone to park his car, so he wins, too (whether this is a display of sheer entitlement in irrelevant—it’s ego that is driving us to teach people lessons they haven’t asked for).

Something that would’ve bothered me before is: “Okay, but if everyone lets this guy do whatever he wants, don’t we all lose?” No, we don’t:

• The scope of your interaction with this person is limited—you don’t need to burden yourself with what they do in life, how they cope, and whether they become better.
• There are many people who you can perceive as assholes, or whose opinions you simply disagree with. It’s unrealistic to believe you will change them all.
• Even if you focus on this one interaction with this one person, it’s unrealistic to expect anything you do will change them. The most you can achieve is satisfy your ego.
• You are not letting this person “walk over you.” You are just choosing not to engage and avoid having to deal with them. Your time is too precious, and the risk isn’t worth it.

But how do you know an argument is one you needn’t win? I’d ask myself a few questions.

• Is this an incidental situation? (“Does it really matter?")
• Is the negative effect of not achieving your goal mostly an ego hit? (“Is this about me?")
• Are there associated risks that overshadow the perceived benefits of achieving your goals? (“What are the consequences?")
• Are there ways to prevent or address such situations that avoid conflict? (“How do I avoid things like this?")