I went to an interview this Wednesday and haven’t heard back.

Naturally, my inner monologue thinks I’ve failed. I feel ashamed, because the people who have evaluated me might have decided I was unfit for the job. Maybe they had better candidates. I feel bad because they might’ve. I mean, what’s wrong with me?

On second thought, I believe the need for detailed, specific, actionable feedback is flawed.

It’s simple. Someone has decided they needed to open a job for someone with a particular set of skills and experience to do something. They define their crieria, post a job, screen resumes, and do interviews. You find the job interesting and apply. They call you in and try to figure out, within a few hours at most, if you could do this job for them.

It’s not an exact science. They could have an exam and have all the candidates take it, and then grade it, and hire the person who’d scored the highest, and in some industries maybe that’s what they do.

But no such test would account for cultural fit or for skills that you have vs skills you could learn, and so on.

Thus they make a decision based on how well they think you are suited for that job based on this short interaction. It’s error prone, and it’s not exact, and there are other factors at play, too. Like when can you start? How much do you need to be paid?

You are not owed an explanation why you were not chosen. It’s expected they would tell you they’ve decided not to hire you, but not if they’ve chosen someone else, or why they’ve done so. They are the ones offering the job, and you are the one applying. They don’t even owe you the feedback on how you could improve (assuming to get the job) because you didn’t get it. They could tell you if there was a particular thing that made them say no, but they are not obliged to.

We crave being told why because we hate being rejected. So we want to hear that we were really great, but that they had a reason to go with someone else. Implying that this other candidate was better but letting us hear past that.

I feel disappointed for not getting the job. But as a mature, experienced person, I know my weak points. I know where in the interview I didn’t do well, and I know, from talking to the hiring manager and the recruiter, what they were after with this position (that’s my job as the candidate). I recognise what I was missing, and I was hoping to convince them of my strengths that would make up for what I was short on.

It’s tough to know someone has evaluated me and has found me lacking. But it’s important to realise my worth is not determined by this evaluation. And while it isn’t, there’s plenty I could do to become better.

I own this.

It’s your job as a manager to say the hard things. Don’t assume people will figure it out on their own. They might not want to hear it, they might fight back, but it’s still your job. You don’t get to do a good job by staying in the comfort zone.

This week I reminded myself as I leader I shouldn’t shield my team from the difficult topics. In team meetings I’m often tempted to stick to administrativia. Just let the time pass. Yet, true value lies in talking about the things that aren’t easy.

Trust is a prerequisite for thriving at any organisation. If you don’t trust your employer, or your employer does not trust you, you have to remediate this, or look for a new job.

A notice period beyond one month is a red flag. It suggests the organisation:

• Struggles in onboarding and knowledge sharing.
• Finds it difficult to hire talent.
• Has silos and bottlenecks.
• Doesn’t understand motivation.

Notice periods are normally the same for the whole organisation, meaning probably not all teams have these issues. However, keep in mind what’s standard for the whole organisation supersedes what’s in the team.

When delivering news on compensation changes, give context to help people understand. Explain how it works, what % of an increase there is for your staff, and why this person has scored below or above. Explain your rewards philosophy. Don’t hide the details. Don’t sugarcoat, don’t promise, don’t use the occasion to deliver your feedback for the first time. Don’t give out a number without the context hoping the person won’t figure it out. Then listen, discuss, be there for your employee. People rely on their compensation changes as they see their life situation evolve. They’ve looked forward to this moment, and it’s a time you can be of much help.

One duty I find particularly challenging as a leader is delivering news on salary adjustments.

Sometimes I’ve fought to get someone the change they deserve, and I’ve succeeded—as much as the conditions unseen by them allow—only to have them say it isn’t as good as they’d hoped, in honest disappointment. Other times people don’t realise what they are getting is the best they could’ve hoped for, unable to accept they have things to improve, not seeing there are consequences to their standing in the unofficial ranking of staff. Often people believe companies have to account for inflation, raises in the cost of living, fairness in regards of what others are earning.

They do not. One’s value is not determined by the amount of money the company is paying them. If you are unhappy, you should make your case. If your manager is worth their salt, and you are good, and you show promise, they will try to help you. But there’s only so much they can do. You are the ultimate person to judge on your own value. The company doesn’t treat you as well as you feel it should? Find another one that will. Just make sure you understand the game first.

You might want to effect change as a leader, but you will always face opposition from those who would like to keep things just as they are. They will resist change both through action and inaction, fighting back, sabotaging it, or simply waiting for you to give up. It’s all normal.

Being right does not justify feeding your ego.

Don’t limit yourself to a job description. You can offer much more than that.

A friend once asked me if taking a software development course could help her get her a job as a programmer.

I said it wouldn’t work. I thought I was a realist but actually I was both elitist and had underestimated her.

She took the course, landed a job, and started her new career. LinkedIn now told me she got her second promotion in three years.

I’m so glad she didn’t listen to me. I will never shoot down someone’s dreams again.

People are seldom irrational.

When someone is saying or doing something, you’ve got to find the underlying cause if you want to take appropriate action. What they want or do could seem strange, but it’d be naïve to assume it’s coming from them being stupid.

Ask other people things. Tell them of your concerns. Ignore hierarchy as much as you can without disrespecting anyone. Go past the org charts we’ve put in place. They are all made up.

Don’t put a nohello.net link in your profile on IM. It makes you unapproachable, and it says you can’t manage your time. Especially if you are a leader, you need to be approachable. People have to feel comfortable talking to you. The burden of communication being uneffective is yours to bear.

Hierarchy on the job is made up. Those who report to you can be smarter than you. They can earn more than you, contribute more than you, be more valuable to the organisation than you. You are there to support them. They should be the stars of the show. Management is about allowing them to shine.